Paris Hilton is confused. And why shouldn't she be? Cocaine does bear a striking resemblance to chewing gum. So it would be natural for her to think a little white baggie of the former, which fell out of her purse during a traffic stop last weekend, was actually the latter. Wouldn't it?
The 29-year-old hotel heiress and her nightclub owner boyfriend Cy Waits were pulled over in Las Vegas because officers said they smelled marijuana smoke wafting from their car. Not only did Hilton claim the bag containing .8 grams of coke wasn't hers -- nor was the purse because it was "too cheap" -- she also said of the mysterious substance that "she had not seen it but now thought it was gum," according to the police report. The authorities didn't buy it and charged her with felony drug possession.
The party princess may be the laughingstock of Hollywood with her newest version of "the dog ate my homework," but she isn't the first celeb to lie her way out of a pickle. Here are some of our favorite excuses stars have concocted when they're caught with their pants down:
Lindsay Lohan: Every Excuse in the Book
Oh, LiLo. When will you ever stop fibbing? We've heard it all from the always-falling star. In 2007, cops pulled her over in Santa Monica and found cocaine in her jeans pocket. She said she hadn't been doing drugs and the pants weren't even hers. Police didn't believe her, arresting the actress for coke possession, DUI and driving without a license. But her nose continued to grow in the coming years. In 2010, she missed a court hearing because, her attorney claimed, she lost her passport. Her uncle's death was the reason given for skipping an alcohol counseling session, though said lawyer admitted she hadn't gone to the funeral. The judge was having none of it and revoked Lohan's probation, requiring her to undergo random drug testing, wear an ankle monitor and stay in the Los Angeles area.
Britney Spears: Forgive Me, I'm a HickDeep in the throes of her meltdown years in 2006, Spears was snapped by paparazzi behind the wheel of her car with her son Sean Preston perched on her lap. When asked by Matt Lauer why the baby wasn't strapped into a car seat where he belonged, Spears shrugged it off as a down-home kinda thang. "I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive. We're country."
Eddie Murphy: I'm a Good Samaritan ... to Hookers
Prostitutes need love too. That's what comedian Eddie Murphy used as his excuse for photos taken of him in 1997 with a street girl in his car while he was married. He told his then-wife that he'd stopped because she (or he? the woman turned out to be a transsexual escort) was crying. He later said it wasn't the first time his heart had gone out to a ho. "I was being a good Samaritan," he said. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out. I've seen hookers on corners ... and I'll pull over ... and I'll empty my wallet out to help." Give the guy a break! He's just looking out for the poor, the tired, the hungry and the floozies.
Winona Ryder: My Director Made Me Steal for a Part
We all remember Winona: The Shoplifting Years. When the actress was caught making off with more than $5,500 worth of Saks Fifth Avenue merchandise in 2001, Ryder at first denied she was a thief, then changed her tune to the old "researching a part" song and dance. "I'm sorry for what I did," she said in court in the performance of a lifetime. "My director directed me to shoplift for a role I was preparing." Which role, you ask? A look back at what she was working on makes her story even less plausible. Was Winona trying to pin the theft on 'Mr. Deeds' director Steven Brill or Gary Halvorson, who directed her in the 'Friends' episode where she kissed Jennifer Aniston?
Jeffrey Donovan: It's Not Me (or the Wine I Guzzled), It's the Benadryl
The star of USA's spy series 'Burn Notice' had a fun little romp with police in Miami Beach in the summer of 2009, when he swerved to avoid hitting a squad car and then failed a sobriety test. He was arrested when he wouldn't take a breathalyzer. Though he confessed to downing drinks over dinner at a restaurant, he still claimed he was blameless and pointed the finger at cold medicine: "The only mistake I made tonight," Donavan said, "was drinking Benadryl with three glasses of wine."
Shelly Morrison: There's an Earthquake in My Mind
Oh Rosario. Where did you go wrong? The lovable 'Will and Grace' maid stole nearly $500 in jewelry from a department store and attributed her bout of shoplifting to the tremors in her brain. "Sometimes the mind has a mini earthquake," Morrison said. "I did a dumb thing that was so out of character ... I've since seen therapists and they explained to me that I left no room for myself." Hopefully her mental tectonic plates are now safely realigned.
Whitney Houston: Crack Is Too Wack for Me
Whitney is too classy for crack. At least, that's what she used as her excuse for lying about smoking it when she was deep in one of her many drug-fueled breakdowns. "Crack is cheap," the songstress explained. "I make too much money to use crack. Crack is wack."
Tom Sizemore: That Underwear I Was Wearing Isn't Mine
When your struggle with drug and alcohol addiction is well publicized and you're stopped by police for a second time using a fake penis called the Whizzinator to beat a urine drug test, the best thing to do is say the underwear isn't yours. Right, Tom Sizemore? "They're not mine," Sizemore told a court when asked about the briefs fitted with the device. "They're Calvins. I wear Hilfigers." Right. Not surprisingly, the judge wasn't fooled.
Jeremy Piven: I Was Poisoned by Fish
"Entourage" star Piven abandoned his role in David Mamet's play 'Speed-the-Plow' because he'd been suffering from a bad case of mercury poisoning, he said. The tale only made a mockery of the actor, with Mamet joking to Variety, "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."
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